More Glorious and Bright: "Who you are today is not who you will be!"

Every week at the MTC is on a higher plane of extremes than the week before. The challenges are magnified and mutated; everything is harder, which last week you wouldn't have thought possible. The high points are higher; every joke is funnier. Every experience is more spiritual. We have new experiences that smash our paradigms to pieces and rebuild them from the ground up. You can't have one extreme without the other. My sense of perspective on what is hard and what is good has shifted into something that four weeks ago would have been unrecognizable. But as our trials grow in magnitude, so do we. Our repertoire of tools to use in difficulty expands. We stretch and grow to new heights.

For example, only 2 out of 9 people in our district have not gotten sick. It's been like the plagues of Egypt. At first our eyes were glassed over because Korean is hard; now it's probably because someone got no sleep last night. But we're learning how to deal with this difficulty too.

My sense of humor has radically changed as well. With no TV or anything we have to rely on ourselves for entertainment. We've gotten creative: shooting hairbands at targets, throwing our stress balls at the chalkboard, guessing movies based on the vaguest descriptions. My companion has started keeping a book of weird things heard at the MTC. "He did a wall sit while reciting the first vision in Korean for fifteen minutes, which broke the previous record." The girls picked everyone's spirit animals and Disney characters too. I got Rapunzel. The boys picked our Disney characters too but they weren't as nice! I still got Rapunzel but someone was Andy's mom, someone was the ugly stepmother. Things that were never that funny before are hilarious now.

One of my personal trials has been my calling. I got called as branch music director. I didn't understand what hard was until I tried organizing singers. It has taught me to appreciate accompanists more, to always have a backup plan, and that a volunteer is worth an entire choir. Fun stuff.

Korean of course is also hard. We learned this week that 'to clean' is the same as 'to destroy by fire'. 'To feel' is extremely similar to 'to be greasy'. Poetic, right? It is a beautiful language but I am drowning in it. At least I'm not learning it as a third language. There are a couple Filipinas here learning Korean through English. What a headache! Our native teacher, Lee Chameneem, is amazing. All our teachers are. We couldn't do this at all without specifically them.

I met with another teacher, Gardner Chameneem, and she gave me some awesome advice. Progress isn't a 90 degree angle. It's slow and steady, but it wins the race. All we have to do is keep going, sometimes faster than others, but just don't stop. Funny enough what they've been drumming into us is the phrase: this isn't a marathon, it's a sprint. SLEEPING is my sport. Running is hard and I guess I can walk when I need to – just keep moving.

We're part of a new pilot program that goes worldwide to 14 MTC's in June. So excited! It's only us and two other branches. It is like the program they started in my home ward, Come Follow Me, but for missionaries. The MTC presidency really loves the Koreans. We've been doing all sorts of new things. With this new program we're learning to teach as the Savior taught. The Lord is truly hastening His work. Our Sundays are now twice as full as before.

One of my favorite experiences so far happened Tuesday night. One of the counselors from the General Bishopric, Gerald Causse, came to speak to us. His talk was amazing! But the part that was really special to me happened after. Bishop Causse introduced this old Italian man. His name is Brother Giusti, from Rome, a new member. I couldn't believe it! He had directed the production of Carmen I was in over the summer. I had known him as Maestro Giusti and hadn't even known he was a member of the Church. He's an unbelievable musician. He and Bishop Causse played a duet on piano. Afterwards I went up to talk to him -- I don't know if he remembered me but he was very kind. I told him where I was going and his eyes went wide and he said "Korea! What part?" I told him Seoul and he smiled and told me that he knew an opera teacher at the University of Seoul. He gave me her name and some other information. It was really an answer to prayers. I was worried about not having any contacts in Seoul, but now I have somewhere solid to turn to.

I raised the Italian Flag in Brother Giusti's honor!

I've reached part of my goal! I finally memorized Our Purpose in Korean. It's a little rough but I can do it! It feels amazing to have accomplished something. I am also memorizing the First Vision in Korean -- I'm about halfway there. I figured out that the words match up pretty well to "Human" by the Killers, so sometimes I sing it while drying my hair or whatever and get some weird looks. Korean doesn't even sound like a real language.

Our teacher is forgetting English; a couple days ago he tried to call motivational speakers 'motivational speecherists'. I am too, actually. I told a girl good morning when it was ten at night.

I have loved hearing from you all, I wish I could take more time individually but I have basically time to eat and sleep and Korean and Spirit. It's a wild ride but I wouldn't trade it for anything!

This gospel is the best part of my life and I wake up every day with a greater and fiercer belief in it.

xoxo Bell Cha-may

ps about 5 minutes ago my companion and me got to be part of a devotional. It was for the senior missionary couples and I and another girl were performing this lovely song -- she was singing, I was accompanying. I also played prelude. We weren't going to stay. The number went well. I was nervous since the entire MTC presidency, as well as some other really important people, were about three feet away from me. But we did well and there was a wonderful Spirit that permeated the room.

It turned out it was a devotional by Kelly Mills (from Laketown, and he knew some Weston relatives!) and since we had loved the one from a few weeks ago that he had given we decided to stay. I don't really know why. I was eager to get to the temple because our temple time was actually being cut in half by the devotional. It had actually been a major point of stress; my favorite time of the week is our PDay temple visit, but my companion was uncomfortable about just going to the celestial room and skipping the session two weeks in a row. We were going to try to just do initiatories. But even though I was desperate to get there in time, I had a feeling we needed to stay. My sweet companion agreed.

We sat through the devotional; I'm pretty sure we were the only ones there under 60, as the other girls had left. President Mills (over all the international MTC's) gave a wonderful devotional, but it was the same one we had heard before, almost word for word. I wasn't sure why I had wanted to stay. Then he said something at the end that reminded me of a quote someone had sent me: "Who you are today is not who you will be!" With the stress of everything going on this week and a few troublesome interactions this was so important for us to hear. SO important. President Mills reminded us how far we had come already. We get so caught up in 'well, I haven't memorized THAT word yet' or 'i still have THIS little thing to do' that we can't see the road for the cobblestone. It was important for us to hear that not only have we progressed so far already, but we have so much farther we can go; and more than that, that this change can happen over a year and a half or two years. We don't have to be the missionary who converts others to baptism right this second. We can grow over time. I felt so much peace.

...until President Burgess, the MTC President, stood up and started speaking. He paused and looked at me and said "well, we can't let Sister Bell leave without letting her sing! She has a beautiful voice that really invites the Spirit. Sister Bell, do you have anything ready?" Of course not! My hands started shaking and they still haven't!

But first he asked me and Sister Phillips to bear our testimonies. Sister Phillips was so sweet. She talked about how this mission has changed her and helped her fall in love with the gospel. She bore her testimony about coming closer to Christ. I honestly don't remember what I said, other than that I loved my family and that I was not the same person as entered the MTC. Something like "I didn't smile all the time before I came, but now I'm here and can't stop smiling!" I asked President Burgess his favorite hymn and he said the one that I had been exactly thinking of: More Holiness Give Me. I sang the first and last verses (somehow I made it through) and then we thanked them and left.

My companion and I can't stop smiling. We know that that devotional was exactly where we needed to be. It gave us the spiritual strength we needed. I would never have chosen that over the temple, but God knew exactly where we needed to be to lift our spirits. We heard exactly what we needed to hear (and were just terrified enough!) I know that God guides the steps of even his most discouraged or frustrated daughter. I am so thankful for that. I'm thankful for a companion who listens! I'm thankful that God loves us so much that he knows exactly how to help us.